


That's Showbiz

by Missy



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, Humor, Improv, Revenge, Yuletide Madness 2015, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 03:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5524088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie and Dee get together.  Charlie and Dee stay together.</p><p>Which is why Dennis freaks out and they try to burn him through an epic improv routine.  Will they be strong enough to deliver it?  Will Dennis try to claim revenge?</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's Showbiz

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sonicshambles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicshambles/gifts).



He shows up at her apartment in the middle of the night. He’s exhausted and she can’t look him in the eye, but they’re finally alone after their rum-ham induced party.

“You think we got away with it?” she asks.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure they didn’t notice a thing.” So no consequences. No possibility that either of them might ever be seen as anything but good friends – well, semi-good friends. People who tolerated each other. Okay – drinking buddies. Maybe. “Are you okay with that?”

“I’m great with it. So…why are you here?”

“Because I wanted them to notice.”

“Oh my God, Charlie.” This is taking it too far. The sex was nice –okay, way more than nice – but he has eyes for the waitress and she’s got several hook ups. What could they possibly need each other for?

“I know it’s weird and it kind of landed on us out of nowhere like a fat lady falling out of a skyscraper…”

Dee shakes her fuzzy head, trying to clear it. “Charlie, shut up. I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about anymore.”

“Neither do me.”

She’s wondering if he’s ever had a clue in his life what he’s talking about when he charges into the room and kisses her square on the mouth.

))))))))

He tells Dennis just to get it out of the way, and Dennis doesn’t take it well. To put it mildly.

“We agreed that there would be no hook ups in this group! Not one! NOT A SINGLE ONE! And here the two of you are, screwing around behind out backs. It’s a BETRAYL to the ethos of this group!”

“Bastard man,” Charlie mutters under his breath – his dirty fingers squeeze her clean ones and she weakly squeezes back, feeling oddly close to him, completely united against her brother, something she’d never, ever felt in her life.

“Who cares about ethics? Let the sinners burn,” Mac commented from across the room. “The TV’s dying.”

“SEE THAT? YOUR FILTHY SIN KILLED THE TV.”

Dee cringes. Dennis always has that ability innate within him – a personal self-destruct button that he can press in her, press in him, like twin sticks of dynamite put to light. She’s almost ready to apologize when a voice cuts in from the bar proper.

Frank, to her surprise – and for the first time ever, as far as she can remember – rides to their rescue. “Leave the kids alone. Let somebody in this miserable dump be happy for once in their friggin’ lives already.”

Dennis’ mouth flops open, but before he can say anything else the TV makes an alarming sizzling noise and he rushes off to take care of it.

))))))))

The aftermath isn’t easily handled, but handle it they do – by not talking about it, not dealing with it, and simply getting on with their lives. Charlie gets noticeably cleaner and Dee gets noticeably nicer; they occasionally spend nights away from the group, doing Whatever the Hell Couples Do When They’re Not Doing What They Should Do, as Dennis resentfully calls their activities ‘garbage baby stuff’.

They don’t mind, not anymore; not now that they have each other to hang out with. They even take the extra time they have to create an improve routine. Dee suggests they call it ‘two flowers in a hurricane’ but Charlie immediately dismisses that idea as ‘gay’. So the next best suggestion is the one they end up settling on: ‘Charlie and Dee say Screw the World’. 

The routine involves a large burlap sack, a pair of wader shorts, three pairs of socks and a bunch of pudding. The pudding represented their friend’s disgust and the sack represented the transformative power of their love.

Now if they could only get the act to open mike night without barfing on each other they might have something going.

))))))))

“We should just go do it.”

Dee opened up an eye and shoved a hank of her blonde hair out of her eyes. “What the fuck do you call what we just did?”

“Huh? No, I mean the routine! Just drag the sack up on stage and shove it in everyone’s dumb faces!”

“Yeah,” she said, and then with much more determination than he’d ever heard, “yeah, we should just go ahead and do it tomorrow. But what if I puke?”

“Then I’ll make it part of the piece.”

That seemed fair enough to Dee.

))))))))

“ACCEPT MY SACK IN YOUR FACE!” Charlie yelled.

“EAT MY PUKE!” Dee replied from across the stage.

The rest of the act involved an exploding balloon filled with oatmeal and the sound of a baby screaming on a tinny little tape recorder. 

The act was received, if not wanted. But it gave them confidence enough to keep going in the direction of their dreams. Their silly, wonderful, ridiculous dreams that they barely had the skill or the self-worth to realize. 

(Dennis later found out that he was in the act, as represented by a balloon filled with stage blood referred to as The Evil Man From Hell. He hated it and tried to burn down the comedy club during open mike night, but everyone survived and he dissolved into a pile of tears and regret. That, as Frank told him when he bailed him out of jail, is showbiz).

**Author's Note:**

> I love this pairing, and I decided to lean on the show's black humor while tossing in just a bit of Chardee love. Hope you enjoyed! Happy Yuletide!


End file.
